love

When you fall in love, it is a temporary madness. It erupts like an earthquake, and then it subsides. And when it subsides, you have to make a decision. You have to work out whether your roots are become so entwined together that it is inconceivable that you should ever part. Because this is what love is. Love is not breathlessness, it is not excitement, it is not the desire to mate every second of the day. It is not lying awake at night imagining that he is kissing every part of your body. No... don't blush. I am telling you some truths. For that is just being in love; which any of us can convince ourselves we are. Love itself is what is left over, when being in love has burned away...
Movie : Captain Corelli's Mandolin

The Talk of my life...

I dun wish to study today. No doubt i have an important day tomorrow but i am not studying- the reason- i am bored...Some times i just realise how much fun loving i am..how changes are important to me..how life for me is  about moving on..enjoying...living each moment...
This month went a crazy one...handled lots of rejections and saw myself in the quagmires of pain... Exams(which i least bothered about :P) and placements(which still give me anxiety) were the talk of the month.. I enjoyed a few outings with my best friends whom i cherish throughout my life..:)
But something that made my day was mum's visit...and my nonu..:)
I never knew muma would take time from her busy schedule to come and visit me just because i was missing her..that was new to me..hehe
and Vismaad..he seems to have grown up perfect...:) Touchwood...has a prudence worth millions and innocence i crave for today...
Mumz constant nagging over things dint seem bothering me this time...
And the days were made heaven..God's grace is everywhere...he called me to visit him..blessed me vd an eternal gift...helped me realise wats d best fr me..:)
I dun regret not having placed by now..maybe destiny holds d best for me...:)
Just a trial..step by step..i knw it will come eventually..i have no fear for He is there...:)
Papa's face gleams vd serenity and prudence...God keep him blessed always...
And my love..:* hez always d same..loving, caring and witty...God sent an angel to me...
So all these days..i have seen the worst,,,but still Smile beholds in it the strength to shun away worries..thank god i cn smile..:))

OH MY LORD GUD GRACIOUS ARE YOU LISTENING.....???

Dear my God Almighty
They say that you answers all questions...they say you always care for your children..they say you never let injustice happen..they say you love all equally...they say you are almighty...
So God i just wanted to ask you...if you remembered me...i am your child whom you made strong enough to bear extensive pains..But i always thought you were by my side..held my hand..showed me the path..looked for me..cared for me...You never let any bad happen to me...you never let me feel alone..you made my life a heaven with angel like friends of mine..i always smiled...
Well..i know you are some where very near..listening to me..i know you love me..but you see my dear God..i am all alone..i am breaking away..my spirits are getting shattered..and i feel if i lost you...i am lost..in this world..i...a little child of yours..i will get lost in the whirlpool's of this world...
I know you are listening...don't eva leave my hand dear God...i am losing....

Life..iv

So many times in life you know everything is going perfect...and bammm...one incident and the life is torn into pieces..So many times in life you have to smile to motivate your soul that it's gonna be fine...So many times you know the solution, but you don't want to apply it..because it afflicts pain...suffering....So many times in life you get caught in a quagmire of questions..a vicious circle of ifs and buts...So many times you are left helpless...shocked...disheartened...So many times you wanna look up to God who made you so strong to bear that brunt of life...So many times the answer is too conspicuous for the heart to  accept it...So many times..the dreams get shattered..the feelings overpower the words...So many times..love isn't enough for two people to be with each other..So many times fate leaves your heart ripped off...So many times you just tell ur heart that it is gonna be fine..but u knw...that's the end of life for u...bcz wat u wanted in life was no more there for u..bcz u frget that something like love exists..bcz life is all about getting ditched...So many times you just lose faith in love..bcz wen u needed it...ur love left u alone...
But then u learn..u learn to compromise...to smile for others...to smile to frget the ordeal u have been going through..bcz u dun want urself to be known as weak..bcz deep inside ur hrt u knw..that life is concealed..in a viel of smiles n sorrows...left the leaves unfurl..
But the question remains...wud dese wounds ever heal..or u wud just learn living with the pain..
Life is dynamic..the only thing static is change..and u know...its u n u freva..rest is myth...

HAPPY FRIENDSHIP DAY

I was sitting in my room introspecting what i had earned in my life and what more had still to be earned...i was trying to relate those li'l moments when i was caught in the bedazzling comforts of youth and when i had gone hay wire...astray of my path to success...away from the roads i promised myself to travel...losing sight of my dreams...unaware of the moments i had lost in life..

And then i smiled...coz i had lived and fought those moments..some people held me when i needed their hand...they promised the love of life time...a bond that was meant to get stronger with each passing day...a strength that pulled me off  from the morbidness of my life...the trauma of losses...or the tears of solitude...Yes...my friends...i owe them my smiles....

Li'l did i know that the li'l girl i used to share my tiffin with in LKG would be my best friend forever...hardly did i know that she would grow to be my sister...that we shared a bond that didnot need words to express itself...it just existed..in the purest of its forms...those long walks we used to take...and the girlie giggles..talking about our first crushes and love life...the metamorphosis of girls to ladies...we saw it together...we felt the love grow...from the language of words to that of silence...the language of eyes...and we danced to the rhythm of the soul...I miss you Kamini Jindal

And then college...college made me see just about everything...upsn downs..love and hatred...LSD  in short, sans the S ofcozz!!!!!...and yes...gave me some most b'ful angels...Shraddha, Zoya, Diveta, Divisha, Sabahat, Anjali, Payal, Asha, Ruchi....:) i have smiled with them..they are the strengths that keep me going...i learnt what relationships and friendships meant living with them...caring and giving as if became my way of life...i knew from my heart that all i wanted was to be with them..a reason to smile by when tears are the fate...a reason to live when sadness visors the day...a cause of my life time happiness and bliss...

Shraddha...thanx for caring and loving

Zoya: u r d dude man...

D2:  Rajpoot Rajkumari...love you laods...

Divi: Mumma i miss u...

Saby:  U Rock!!

Anju: God bless u.....:)

Payal: Maja maa rehna...

Ashu: I miss u rumi...u r amazing...

Ruchi: cent percent innocent...:*

PG...yeahh...this  sucks...it has made my life a virtual hell...still i have a few ones who might not know what they mean to me...but yeahh..i know i would cherish their friendship forever... Niketa, Adi n  Priyanka...3 people i really care about...n i wish them to live the best of the life always...Yeah...one prayer God...make them like each other...dey can't bear eye to an eye..LOL...

And last not to the least...my darling..."U"..love you...:*

Anyways...to all my friends...

Happy Friendship day...Love you loads...God Bless You...Miss u guys...:)

Life IV

I always thought life comes the way you want to take it...i always thought living life meant living every moment in your own stride..i always thought life was meant to earn every moment..not just let it go..life for me was a diamond that needed to be chiseled every moment with hard work, dedication and will power...I thought that i had started understanding the secrets that unfolded as we started to live and love it...i thought that the life becomes beautiful as it unfurls the intricacies of the meaning of being alive...I always thought that i had become deft at handling people..tackling them...and overcoming the sarcasms and baseless criticisms....

Sadly though...i was wrong..i did not know that i am still a child...i still am unaware of the li'l sorrows that come our way..i have forgotten what it means to be in solitude..i for that one moment forgot that life never comes easy...every beautiful moment comes with a tear...every smile needs to be won over a frown..every breath is a win over death...

Life i forgot is an unending examination...a test to rejoice the beauty of life...to feel the warmth of love..the fragrance of nature..the aroma of life...

Life...it never comes easy...you have to keep moving..the path is long and the destination undefined...u have to let go..let go all the darkness of morbidness...just in the hope that ahead may lie the dawn of ecstasy forever...

M FRUSTRATED...........

What eva...i am bored now...sucked up nw..i need a change..i need to smile and enjoy..i am over worked..uff...damn this monotonous life...i need to spice it up...
God has made me such..i cannot bear sthng for too long...i freak out..i go insane...over possessed with boredom..i feel like s***...i desperately need a change...This BIMTECH sucks...neither the vc, nor songs..no games...no frills...wat the hell..........
Who made dese f**** rules...damn it...i am sitting on this bed since mrng...doing nthg...TV is another hell of a crap...wen u feel like watching it..nothing is being aired except those filthy saas bahu serials...with the same old stories....gimme a break man............
And this stupid study...why the hell am i supposed to study 8 damn marketing subjects...when the sole purpose of all is to "sell"....
What is the management all about when they cannot manage the whole damn syllabus and teach us that crap in 8 different ways...
where the hell does personality development go when they load us with assignments that want us just to copy paste stuff....
Where the hell do these gals come from...bl**** b****** who ner care to think before speaking...
Oh common....people are so frustrated...there is no one who wud stop by just to say a hi....
And now..i wanna shop...who the hell would gimme money to buy stuff...
I am bored....bored of my colleagues...my time table...my college...my life...
i need a change...why dun i get married...
but i knw...eventually..i would change my man...lol....m such a b****

I don't know....
A simple 3 word sentence- carries in itself the depths of your soul..the fathoms of your heart..the desires of your life and the dreams you aspire for...
I really don't know what it is to befriend somebody..what true friendship means..but i surely know what is it to know thyself and stand up for yourself..i surely know how to befriend your conscience and head to its soft voice when in trouble...
I really don't know what is it to hold somebody's hand and make him feel secure with you..but i surely know what it is to not to ditch anybody for my selfish reasons..
I seriously don't know how my life would be without smiles...but i really know it is worthwhile to live a life without giving somebody a tear....
I never would know what is life after death...but i know what is it to help somebody realise the meaning of life...
I don't know what my future would look like...but i do know that i am securing my present to last it forever...
I really don't know what is it to see happiness in your parent's eyes...but i do know...i would see it someday...
I don't know what God looks like..but i do know..he is listening to my silent prayers...
I don't know what destiny holds for me...but i do know that it writes the best..
I don't know what beauty means to people..but i do know i am the most b'ful princess to somebody...
I don't know...what to write..but i do know..that words would flow in the rhythm of my imagination...and make it look great....

DituBitu

She asked me to write her a blog...i promised her some day that i would write her something..the day wen we  were supposed to part..but i was too overwhelmed to pen down afew words for her..May be u dun remember Bitu..but i still remember 20 May 2010, a day before i was to leave...i promised it..n here i am..writing her my eulogy all for her...<3
Diveta Rathore...raaajpooot.....lol
I had seen her in the first year of my graduation with a few of my friends..never did i know that she would become an inseparable and one of the most beloved parts of my life...
she was like others in many ways- self obsessed(about her being Rajput) and her beauty- hated guys...lol..but still wen it came to "nayan sukh prapti" she cudnt deter abit..lol
But she was unlike others too- simply different in her words, feelings, thoughts...and PDAs..lol...
Well..times passed by and we never realised how the bond grew so strong that it was hard to say gud bye....
Well...more than a year has passed and i still cherish those memories..intact in my heart..Bitu..i met her a few days back..and everything that time seemed to stagnate..i wanted those moments to behold in them all the love and care i had for her..but as it is..M against PDAs..;)
i dunno whether it is everything or nothing that has changed..but i do know..that the bond is still that strong..may be stronger than before...
she always doubted me staying in touch with these people..now that is the same with you girl..i hope u dun forget me..
And here i fulfill my promise...
Love you loads...
God bless...:)

Unsaid Words...

Some thoughts are better left unspoken. The most b'ful thing in ur life is love.It makes life worth living. Truly said..but every every love story doesnt end well...U may be madly in love with some one..some one who definitely deserves you..some one u thought could be the one you wanted to spend your life with...but yeah..dreams do get shattered...
I wanted him to understand those unspoken words..those deep feelings i cudnot explain him..those desires which were better left unspoken..because the real life didnot have any space for them..i wanted him to love him the way i loved him..unconditionally..not caring what the future beholds for us..for the ecstasy lay in the present.the gift of "today"..the happiness of being with him at that moment...
Well..may be i was over expecting..or may be he is not the one..i always thought love meant spiritual unity..it meant one ness..of the desires that were caught in the fathoms of life...may be this was no love..may be he never loved me..may be i just expected that from him..unknown of the fact that his love was not made for me..i wanted him to change his ways..his habits..forgot that real love meant accepting the person as he/she is..forgot that this was the sign..sign of the fact that we were never meant to be made for each other. May be it is time i should stop bugging him..May be now he needs to live his life his way..find someone who bears with him every moment..forgives him for every anomaly of his...let the destiny decide....

Realisations....

i was born and brought up in a middle class family..my dad's princess..i have always lived a life of riches..no matter what..my parents never ever denied me for anything that i wanted or asked them to get for me..a thing once asked had never been demanded twice..i always had it in the first go itself...i had turned 22...but still never realised this..i was just meant to demand and get my wishes fulfilled...
Well..God does give us a lesson at the correct time...and for me it is this summer internship i am doing rite nw...supposedly still" not doing anything"...if ever i go out to work..i have to go about in the city selling my product..and this is when i realised hw hard my parents work to earn the living..and to make me feel like a princess...
those moments..i saw that day...still captured in my heart...still can overwhelm me..i dunno wat is it to handle responsibilties..but i do know wat it is like to fulfill some dreams someone else aspired for you..doing sthng to make them feel proud of you..letting them know that it is only their love that makes you survive this ruthless world...
To the biggest asset of my life- my parents..i learnt walking holding your hands..i smiled wen u sang songs to me..i dreamt wen those cindrella stories you told me made me imagine things..i owe wateva i am now or wud eva be in my life...
passing thru a bad phase of my life..i am though shaken at my spirits..and confused in my thoughts...but i promise you..i wunt let u down...today or tomorrow...i behold those values u gave me..i promise to behold them thru out my life...my dreams are with you and my aspirations are your smiles...i promise to make u feel proud of ur daughter...

LoVe...

I write about life..and it goes unsaid without love...

Love is the bond that holds us close, is the strength that makes the world go round..is the attraction that is stronger than any other force...

Love..i grew up watching movies..where in i always thought the affairs and love stories were some fictional feelings..n then gradually as i grew up..realised that love was the truth of all times..said or unsaid...it leaves an indelible mark on the heart..it is something that changes our life....

And eventually i fell in love too.... 

With a guy..i always thought would not leave me forever..but alas..we broke up..and as many of the love stories we never got to realise that the dreams we had made never had ourselves being with each other...

And then there came a moment..when everything in this world seemed gloomy, dull and for granted..life had as if lost its meaning...the only word that came to me when i thought of love was disaster...

And then i met someone...so pious, so pure..so mature..so caring..i could trust him for what ever he said..his words had that charm i never thought could exist..i could just be me,,without making him uncomfortable..a stranger that taught me how to live again..some one who did not know what love was..but surely knew what was it to be friends forever...

And we became friends.he held me in times of need..and cared for me as no one would do..

there was a strange feeling of oneness and subtle nuisances of life we shared that we never realised how this friendship turned into a deep feeling called love...

Today i stand here at the moment where i don't know what my destiny has written for me..but what ever it is..to that man..who keeps me alive..who gives me smiles..the love..i know u r the one i would love to spend my life with...i cannot promise to be with you..because my life isnot mine yet..but some day..when i hope to own it..i would wait for you..to hold my hand and accept me as ur beloved wife...

To that man..."je t'aime bien " or "te amo" would sound so less...u r my heart's beat..and my soul's rhythm...you are the precious gift of God almighty..may God bless you..may our love last forever........<3<3<3

LiFe....III

what is lyf..it is full of care..there is no tym to stand and stare...

life..the very word that carries with itself all emotions, feelings, truths, fallacies, dreams and destinations..the very word that ends wid the truth called "death"

i might not know the reason..but off late..i juss have been thinking about "death" and what i wanted to accomplish before finally surrendering myself at the altar of death...

what is it to finally achieve what you want in your life? or what is it to follow your instincts and keep marching ahead..

what i know is that what ever it is..i have to just keep working..
i might not be a firm believer in "karma" but i surely do believe..that destiny is sthng that awaits you...your presence..your loyalty, hardwrk and perseverance...

"what is it that i wanna accomplish.." sounds gud...crazy me-:)... but it started off vd the very wrd "marriage"..n then  i knew what exactly i wanted...some unsaid, unrealised dreamz..some unknown fantasies and some weird sounding promises to myself...

i started on it...the li'l journey to self realisation and fulfilling my dreams, i realised that everything aint so easy.. hat no bdy would want you to do sthng that u desire, that u like,,,its mre of abt making other's happy and doing a job that would suit them, not you...

Caught in this dilemma i thought of self evaluation and doing what made me happy... :P sadly though the only thing i faced was criticism and agony...

maybe these are the ways of the world..maybe this is the test of the tym..maybe God wants me to get toughened up again...

I av promised myself to shun my worldly attributes of malevolence, selfishness and live a life..happy and simple...and now all it wanted me was to revert...to fight back for myself...and face all those who thought that i was on a crappy road..

well..what eva it is..i love being me..n m proud of myself..all my fallacies are mine,,and i would nt blame the world for having changed me...but to all those who think i would live the way they want..cummon guys..u av gt to be kidding me...on ur face..is the word u might be luking fr frm me..:)

its either "do or die"..n fr me...since death is eternal..i plan to "jst do it"...to hell vd the world..this is "my life" and i own it...dare not mess up vd me...

LiFe....II

Life...as my first post said...is a whirlpool of emotions, fake relations, desires,and wishes...some miseries that may leave you feel defeated...
But, god always sends some angels..called friends...who come into your life to make it beautiful...
The way they hold u when u r in a abyss, the way they make u smile when u r sad, they way they show u the ray of hope wen u c d clouds of despair...the way they coax u wen u miss your mum....
friends indeed..make life worth living....
As a child i was one of those who were taught to nt to make frenz...fr dey wud spoil u...lol..(i nw realise that was certainly mean)
As a teen i grew up alone..left home and found an extended family..in the name of my friends..so many cities..so many hostels, so many rooms, so many friends..life saw some very special people come..make some strong bonds..and then wander around..vd hearts still tied to me...
These very special people..whom we surely tend to forget with time, forget to remain in touch with...or just too callous to talk to.. were the only ones that made us survive wen nobody was around..were the only ones who showed us the path when we had lost our way.. were the ones with whom we have realised our dreams,  and respected our smiles...
They accpet us  as wateva we are,,who knw wen to kick our ass and who can  listen to our unending love stories vdout getting bugged...
To these very special people in my life...i owe my smiles to you guys...u av made me live..u av made me strong...if it wasnt fr u guys..i wunt av been sitting around in here...carefree of wat destiny awaits...
To all of you..thanks for holding me..thanks for being vd me...i may or mite nt be vd u nw..but ur memories remain..all alive n kicking...miss you guys..love you a lot...god bless ya...:))

LiFe....

The only thing that comes to a person in her primes is "life" and  certainly i...like many youngsters , am caught in the intricacies of life...

As a child i always thought what was it like to turn adults, i always wanted to grow up..to feel everything big, to dream big... As a teenager i saw some of the  truth's related to life..that life was like a soap bubble...temporary and vulnerable...so delicate that a whiff of air could blow it away...life was a mirage..everything looked certain and vivid..but actually turned out to be a  fallacy...

I saw some loved ones leaving..some souls remaining in our hearts forever..and it was then when i thought what is it like to live a life after death....

Years passed and and i left the haven of my mother's arms to start a life..afresh..on my own...a life that for me meant growing "big", understanding what actually the world was...loving and being loved...n experiencing every moment that life gave me...i wanted to fly high..reach the zenith of victories..to feel alive and awake in my own ways..to smile n make other's smile..where animosity, hatred jealousy were never to be seen...where life was pious, where life meant "god"....

Never did i realise that these were some unrealised dreams, these feelings were all my child hood had taught me..this was not what i was meant to be..

For i stand here today..22..a lady who has loved, n was loved, a girl who flew high, a child who knows to smile all around, and make other's smile..but..has lost the sense of oneness, selflessness..benevolence...i now  hate, and get hated, desire and snatch the desires... smirk in a smile and  deceive in love...i still crave for that haven..i still crave for that prudence..alas..though..has set in a my sycophancy and shrwedness..i intrigue in plans and play with thoughts..i over power the brains,,n dodge the evil...

N still..i say.."i am living life...my own ways,,my own wishes...

Just a matter of fact...i am not happy..i am burning inside...

Just a thing for self realisation...i am all shattered..all broken....

Just a moment of truth..let me be a child again.....